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Joke of the Day

"What gave Hitler a heart attack? Seeing his gas bill"

"The worst thing about Obama's presidency is knowing Will Smith will play him in the eventual biopic and win an Oscar. Fuck that."

"Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with five guys ? All she came back with was a red snapper."

"There's no way that Cinderella was treated like crap her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn't like ""yeah right."""

"After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down. He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than 10 pounds."

"I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*"

"How do you make a holy water? Put it in a pot and boil the hell out of it."

"A Roman gladiator walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers, please!"""

"Why do robots make bad boyfriends? They just screw, nut, then bolt."

"Its funny how condoms are relatively cheap but as soon as you break one your out a few hundred."