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Joke of the Day

"New acronym we need: IDOCHBEI ""I'm doing okay considering how bad everything is."" Pronounced: ""ih-DOCK-bay"""

"Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President"

"I can't wait for MTV's next reality show about car wash employees that hold in farts until they're cleaning the inside of your car."

"How do you pick up a smokin' hot Jewish girl? Broom and a Dustpan."

"You know when your teacher is running ten minutes late and it feels like nobody is in charge? That's what Mexico feels like all the time."

"GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind.."

"What's do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhino? 'ell if I know."

"i love working at the post office at the north pole and ripping up white children's letters to santa claus"

"Why do the French eat snails? Because they don't like fast food."

"What did Mr. Orange say to Anna Banana when she asked what his first name was in rhyme world? Fuck off"