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Joke of the Day

"Parenting a baby is like an etch-a-sketch drawing. You must be careful, but if you mess up just shake the shit out of it and make a new one."

"Damn, girl are you a sketch on Saturday Night Live? Cause you're getting old, fast!"

"When my son loses his 1st tooth, Im putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says ""I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"""

"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""

"Two roses What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ"

"Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava but only once"

"""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"" Hitler: ""Mine fewer then"" Reddit: ""I did **not see** that coming"" EDIT: Shit, I didn't get that Reich at all"

"Two guys walked into a bar... ...the third one ducked."

"I prefer Protestant orange juice to Catholic orange juice... It's Pulp-free"

"-""I hear the Israeli PM isn't too worried about that latest hack because.."" -""Please don't"" -""...Benjamin's Not on Yahoo"" -""I'm leaving you"""