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Joke of the Day

"I said ""your right"" to my husband this morning. He thought I said ""you're right"" but I didn't. So I win."

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)"

"John Travolta looks like the type of guy that would leave his toupee in a truck stop urinal for hours and then wear it to a musical."

"What is Donald Trump's favorite Christmas song? White Christmas."

"How do you know if your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit."

"bear walks into a bar A bear walks into a bar and takes a bite. bear: beer please. barman: sorry, you're on drugs. Please leave bear: I'm not on drugs barman: what about that barbiturate"

"What did Eminem learn to defend himself? Marshall arts."

"""How'd you die?"" ""I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?"" ""I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen"" ""Oh.."""

"Hickory dickory dock Three mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one And the other two got away with minor injuries."

"I am conducting a survey to see who is the most awesome person on Facebook. To find out who it is read the first two words of this status."