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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)"

"I have the best proctologist. He's able to massage my shoulders and check my prostate at the same time."

"Fake is the new trend and some of my friends seem to be in style!"

"What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ."

"What's the difference between incest porn and regular porn? The mute button."

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? ask them to pronounce unionized"

"What do you get when you cut a hooker in half with a chainsaw? an erection"

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks"

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"[at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit"