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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about NASA finding bones on the moon? Yeah,the cow didn't make it."

"king kong would have done better at work if he perfected his elevator pitch. yea, that one's a zero."

"I just took nitrous oxide, and laxatives. For shits, and giggles."

"A Psychic Buying Clothes Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Employee: You didn't even try it on. Psychic: I'm a medium."

"Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It's pasteurized before you can even see it."

"Did you hear about the Jewish man who loves tea? Hebrews regularly."

"Don't forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever."

"The programmer to his son: ""Here I brought you a new basketball."" ""Thank you daddy but where is the user's guide?"""

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"*shoots self in foot* ""Damn i like the metaphor better"""