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Joke of the Day

"Jesus must of thought of this in his last moments ""I can see my house from here""."

"Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once"

"What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant? ""Donkey!"" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work."

"Why cant you play cards on a rowboat? Because you're sitting on the deck..."

"When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time."

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy."

"When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed."

"Why were Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul so good in Breaking Bad? They were meth-od acting."

"My sweatpants just greeted me at the door like a loyal dog."

"I've decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... ...well, it was just collecting dust:)."