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Joke of the Day

"A pessimist, optimist and feminist Optimist: The glass is half full Pessimist: The glass is half empty Feminist: The glass is raped"

"You know what makes me angry? Haemoglobin kettles. They really make my blood boil."

"Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children ""Torn condoms""?"

"I used to joke that someday a person's tweets would be held against them as they ran for President but now there's Trump so I guess not."

"I don't trust Sperm Banks, so naturally I keep my semen hidden in my mattress."

"what's worse than messing up a puchline to a joke To get to the other side!!!"

"I really do not understand lent... ...I'd better give up trying!"

"An Art Thief is Sitting in His Driveway... He didn't have any Monet, to buy Degas, to make his Van Gogh."

"My roommate made me a copy of the mail key as if she's ever seen me pay a bill"

"#MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid."