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Joke of the Day

"ME: This house is haunted WIFE [sigh] We've been thru this, that's our son SON: I just have a pale complexion Dad ME: TELL ME YOU HEARD THAT"

"Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd"

"Maybe she's born with zits, maybe it's methamphetamine"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Battering Ram Barbie ...Barbie's head on the end of a battering ram"

"What do salads and Mexicans have in common ? They both benefit America!"

"You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male They have a higher rate of penetration..."

"There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who infer."

"I was so ugly when I was born, The doctor smacked my mother!"

"I was curious just how big this Trump dick is, after hearing all the news from last nights debate, so I googled it. From the pictures I would say he's about six feet, maybe a little taller."

"How come Adele can call her ex 1,000 times and get a million dollars.... But when I do it, the Police show up."