167796

Joke of the Day

"You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male They have a higher rate of penetration..."

"{batman walking downstairs} ""Hmmm. Looks like Catwoman's left me a present"" [the half-eaten corpse of Birdman lies lifeless on the carpet]"

"Dear investors, I'd like to make a chap stick called ""food court Chinese food."" Please snapchat if interested."

"I didn't know what to wear the the premature ejaculators meeting... So I just came in my pants."

"I want a polka band at my funeral. I'm the one who's dead, let 'em suffer."

"Come to the light side [Original source (in Russian)](http://peggy-s.livejournal.com/318323.html) - Come to the light side, we have marshmallows - I want cookies - Cookies are on the dark side"

"Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? A. Three if you slice them very thinly."

"I've never been good with 'pick-up' lines I once said to this girl, ""Hey, you get fries with that shake?"" It turns out she had Parkinson's."

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"My aunt found a lump below her left breast recently. It was my penis."