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Joke of the Day

"What do Monica Lewinsky and an Asian political correspondent have in common? All they talk about is the presidential erection"

"On a first date: Her - So what do you do? Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers. Her - Wow, that's impressive! Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons."

"Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?"

"My local psychic closed down... ..due to unforeseen circumstances"

"""Your resume says weaknesses: hide & seek"" Yeah ""Can you demonstrate?"" Sure, count to 10 *Counts to 10 & opens eyes* *I'm literally on fire*"

"Only in Scotland, will you ever see a man take a piss on a door, then open it and walk inside. (credit: Frankie Boyle)"

"Optimism The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a threesome."

"Long jokes... are never well received by members of the Wang clan."

"CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?"

"Subway, Eat flesh. (If Hannibal Lector owned chain restaurants.)"