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Joke of the Day

"Business Idea: Audio books for deaf people"

"I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream."

"Some of my best friends started out as bad choices."

"I got circumcised on the NHS Which means the operation was free, you just leave a tip"

"What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both feel like fucking death in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep because my fan was making loud noises. Yeah,it's a huge metal fan !"

"How do depressed frogs die? They Kermit suicide."

"I challenged Superman to a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside."

"16 year olds can vote in Scotland. That's ok because they've been drinking since they were 9 and understand disillusionment."

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."