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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn't have had a hairless hamster for a baby."

"Everything becomes 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake someone up."

"Google, Microsoft and Disney are among suitors for Twitter Will it be Twoogle ? Twindows ? The Wonderful World of Tweets ? Be prepared"

"How many Coldplay members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"What do you call a huge pile of cats? A Meowntain"

"No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk."

"Do you know why the guy who picks up medical waste from the vet drives a car shaped like a dog bone? He likes to drive the dog's nuts."

"""Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl"" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store."

"Contrary to popular belief, everyone wasn't Kung Fu fighting, I was taking a nap."

"I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me."