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Joke of the Day

"Do you know why the guy who picks up medical waste from the vet drives a car shaped like a dog bone? He likes to drive the dog's nuts."

"Fitness tip: It's absolutely crucial to take ""rest days"" when working out so you don't get hurt. I've recently taken over 300 of them."

"Someone asked Trump how he planned to build the wall he said ""On the day I got elected 60 million people shit a brick and Mexico agreed to pay for the mortar"""

"People play air guitar and don't get in trouble so I don't see why I was arrested for wearing air pants."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. --My amazing girlfriend told me this one"

"I like to go on OK Cupid and find the worst possible matches for myself and message them being like ""We can make this work."""

"Why don't girls count to two? Because they ""can't even."""

"I wish I was poplar. No, that's not a typo. I wish I was a tree."

"Really wanted the day off, so I text my boss Me: I can't come in today. I'm sick Boss: How sick are you? Me: Well I'm currently in bed with my sister......"

"Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol."