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Joke of the Day

"hello and welcome to Fantasy Football *Dumbledore passes ball to Frodo* *Gandalf intercepts football and eats it*"

"sir this ouija board is broken, it keeps spellin stuff like 'wah hoo!' and 'lets a-go!' ""hmm it looks like youve bought a luigi board, pal"""

"""I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets"" ""Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"""

"Do you remember that barbecue? You know, the one where I put my meat on your grill?"

"If I would brush my teeth as vigorously as the people in the toothpaste commercials do, my sink would look like a murder scene."

"Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics."

"I find it really annoying that eating food doesn't heal wounds like I was led to believe as a kid. Damn Nintendo."

"Topical! What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection? He votes!"

"I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day... It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog."

"Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?"