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Joke of the Day

"How do you get down off of an elephant? You dont. You get down off a goose."

"How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it"

"Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest? They're always eager for more on their pate."

"Q: Why do Polish names end in ""ski"" ? A: Because they can't spell tobbagan."

"Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors. So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece."

"Fetish... I have a fetish for switching on air conditioning units. It gives me vent elation."

"Me: My tarot cards say that you're going to be in pain soon. Him: Ha! My Magic 8 Ball said No. *hurls Magic 8 Ball at him* Him: Ouch!"

"NOAH'S GOOGLE HISTORY 1) What is an ark? 2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark? 4) Are snakes necessary? 5) Is god real or am I high?"

"""Grab a Pop Tart!"" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins."

"Two fish swim into a wall One looks at the other and says *""Dam!""* #oldbutgold"