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Joke of the Day

"Remember when Twitter used to be a service where I could post something like, ""Hello, my name is Doctor Toilet"" and get a bunch of retweets?"

"I got lost in a closet as a child... When I came out, my parents, although supportive, really weren't that happy."

"Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Because the teacher said ""do your essay"""

"What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones."

"If a cop pulls you over for talking on your phone, just tell him you were reporting a drunk driver."

"Show someone you hate them by buying them an Edible Arrangement."

"Selling a dead bird Not going cheep"

"Obama is a lot like college Everyone wants four more years, but nobody wants to pay for it."

"I put a bumper sticker on my car that says ""honk if I'm pretty"" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights"

"Two fish are in a tank.. One turns to the other and asked ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""