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Joke of the Day

"I put a bumper sticker on my car that says ""honk if I'm pretty"" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights"

"How many ears does Spock have? Three, a left ear, right ear, and a Final Frontier."

"And for dinner... Mary had a little lamb."

"I'm creeped out by the Hamburger Helper glove. ""Hi, I'm a dismembered hand here to help out with dinner."" No thanks."

"I once farted in an apple store, everyone got mad. It's not my fault they don't have windows..."

"My brother, Max, asked me to come up with a nickname for him. Now we just call him Maxx."

"Love is like a cup of hot coffee on a rainy day... It gets cold really fast."

"What does the rapping shepard sing to his flock? Ewe, crank that soldier boy!"

"[on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?"

"The next version of Android oughta be called Nuts. That way I can tell everyone that they're holding an Android with its nuts in their hand."