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Joke of the Day

"Hi, I'm hosting a charity disco & raffle next Saturday 29nd September, to raise money for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know."

"What does Rihanna think of Chris Brown? beats me"

"It's not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else."

"9: Daddy, wanna hear something cool? Me: Sure! 9: *tells story* Me: Ok, well clearly we need to work on how you define ""something cool""."

"I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time... I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch"

"What's a zombie's favorite snack? Fritos"

"Bill Gates: ""So today I farted in an apple store and everybody was pissed... hey, its not my fault they dont have windows!"""

"I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away."

"I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. ""I'm sorry sir,"" the waiter told him. ""All snails are final."""

"How does a Muslim close a door? Islams It."