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Joke of the Day

"To the guy who just followed me with ""Conservative, God-loving, pro-life"" in his bio... are you sure you want to do this?"

"How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"""A computer keyboard has more bacteria than a toilet seat."" I don't doubt it, given the shit my boss sends us in email."

"[airport check-in] Me: I'd like to check this in Clerk: you'll have to take that on with u Me [sighing & picking baby up off counter]: fine"

"I don't understand Christians They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven."

"Written on the Bathroom Wall... *Here I sit Broken-hearted Tried to rhyme Couldn't even get the meter right.*"

"Here is a racist joke. How are black people and apples similar? They both look good hanging from trees"

"A Priest, A Pervert and A Pedophile Walks into a Bar"

"Why isn't my hand 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot"

"""So how was your date?"" I talked about my obsession with reducing fractions too much ""That wasn't a good idea"" Yeah well, hindsight is 1"