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Joke of the Day

"There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also sharks, giant isopods, oil spills, Flight 370, and Somali pirates."

"They say all (hot) dogs go to heaven. Does that mean all burgers end up in burgertory?"

"After grandpa's unfortunate steamroller incident last year, man crush Monday is always a difficult time for me and my family."

"Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, ""Marco"" and then an even fainter, ""Polo."""

"A photon checks into a hotel... And the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, ""No, I'm traveling light."""

"I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice."

"Being killed by a paper-cut would be... Quite a novel way to die."

"Sir, on a scale of 1 to drunk, where would you say you stand? I'll sit"

"Instead of ""Who's your daddy?"" I accidentally said ""How's your daddy?"" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol"

"Today I saw two dogs make hot streamy love on the roadside. It's really hurtful to see your ex moving on so quickly."