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Joke of the Day

"What happened to the man running in front of the car? He got tired. What happened to the man running behind the car? He got exhausted."

"Today I watched a meteor shower until it angrily pulled the curtains closed and yelled at me to stop peeping."

"I'm no cactus expert. But, I know a prick when I see one."

"Why can't Nietzsche use pencils? Because they're all pointless"

"I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't like coffee. I'm very straight."

"What do bees who are allergic to honey get? Hives."

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? when your dad's dick tastes like blood"

"My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates Nobody likes the black ones"

"Ted told me i'm a dick... I said i'm not addicted."

"Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery. Customer: But it says ""Made in Cleveland."" Salesman: Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?"