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Joke of the Day

"I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically."

"The Mexican Magician A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, ""uno, dos..."" *POOF* The magician vanished without a tres."

"What do the Kardashians and penises have in common? They are both stuck up cunts"

"quick poll: why'd you break up with me in high school Alison"

"Have you heard the joke about the black man and the mexican? Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal. And you thought I was racist."

"My girlfriend says she'll break up with me if I don't give up writing I said, ""Sorry babe. Prose before hoes."""

"I just got fired, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently, nursing homes have ""strict rules"" around what you can do with the patients."

"Elf cop:""We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*"

"What did the girl say when her boyfriend asked her to rate the size of his penis? Urinate (heh just made this one up)"

"""Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."" --Guy who doesn't understand how sleep works"