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Joke of the Day

"My dog, Mitten, ate two shuttlecocks this morning. ""*Bad* Mitten!"""

"[gf comes home after spray tanning] Hey, orange you looking good! ""Thanks"" Anytime, pumpkin! ""You're sweet"" You're one in vermillion!"

"What vegetable is a bug most afraid of? Stephen Hawking"

"Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one."

"I thought you were good looking, until I clicked ""view more pictures"""

"How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one."

"Sorry, Australia... Overheard my sister talking to my friend when this was said. Sis: ""Do they have bush babies in Australia""? Friend: ""No, but they have plenty of dead babies in the bush""."

"whats brown and sticky? a stick!"

"Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. "

"The US Defense budget is 40x bigger than NASA's. It's surprising we actually went to the moon instead of blowing it up."