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Joke of the Day

"I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that."

"George Bush repeatedly tries to crack a coconut on the side of a hot skillet ""Laura, I told you not to buy the god damn hairy eggs anymore"""

"How do you know if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up."

"My daily horoscope says I just lost all of my decent followers by posting my daily horoscope on Twitter."

"What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow? You stop milking the cow after ten years."

"I like musical dramas. They really strike a chord with me."

"Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we've had to dissect frogs."

"What is love? Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don't have it call it a dream. And me, I call it you."

"I told the bank teller that I was changing banks & wanted to open an account ""Great. What's the name of your former bank?"" I said, ""Piggy"""

"*pushes math homework away in 1990* I'll never need this *getting yelled at by subway customer in 2014* I WANT THE BREAD CUT LIKE A RHOMBUS"