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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about the guy with two wooden legs? They caught fire and he burnt to the ground."

"i feel like i need to go to rehab for my avocado addiction. :("

"Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ? Son: Easy. I have two ears!"

"Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar."

"A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf."

"Is syphilis forever? Or is it kinda like... Clap on, Clap off?"

"What do you call a blind german? A not-see"

"There's a new machine at my gym. I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick... It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!"

"Why doesn't the Mormon Church have a Tour De France team?"

"Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years."