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Joke of the Day

"""Why won't you loan a neighbor a cup of sugar?"" [ sigh ] ""You're a pile of ants wearing a bathrobe."" [ bathrobe sags dejectedly ]"

"Assert your dominance by crossing out your coworkers name on their food and put your own. Then eat it in front of them."

"[Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around"

"I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day."

"Did you hear about the contortionist who filed for bankruptcy? He couldn't make ends meet."

"A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face. Edit: Come on! It s a joke, don t get butt hurt! And yes, I spelled woman wrong, who cares?"

"Cause of death is still a mystery... Authorities haven't ruled out foul play, after finding prince at the scene."

"What's a hippie's favorite animal? An elk It has the E, the L, and the K. Would like to hear some more if you guys have any."

"Rules for a happy relationship 1. The wife is always right. 2. If the wife is wrong, see rule number 1. i know it's an old joke but it's my favorite"

"Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Romeo: New phone. Who dis?"