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Joke of the Day

"If republicans stand up and clap I get a shot, if democrats stand up and clap I have to buy someone a shot who can't afford it. #sotu"

"The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare"

"A friend told me that I don't understand irony... ... which is ironic, because I was was waiting for a bus at the time. -- Alanis Morissette (not really)"

"A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And then a staircase. I don't think hes alright, can someone get a doctor?"

"How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? He'll do it **Juan by Juan.** (So corny, IK.)"

"I ate some bad Greek food now I falafel."

"How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor."

"[guy jokingly refers to america as 'murica, everyone starts applauding; I basically hork up a damn lung from laughing my shit off so hard]"

"I don't trust any person who hasn't memorized the fuck out of Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Tits are like Legos I'm always stepping on them."