147328

Joke of the Day

"A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And then a staircase. I don't think hes alright, can someone get a doctor?"

"We're having a lawnmower sale down at Lowes Buy one get Juan free!"

"What do you call a vampire who owns a restaurant? Count Spatula"

"I asked for your advice but now I'm angry with you because I don't like your advice."

"Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck"

"""Seamstress, you come pleat me."" -Pants"

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Pleasant and uplifting."

"Alarming new research into the growing sleep epidemic Over 99% of people are now addicted to sleep, admitting they engage in sleep at least twice a week, most say they couldn't live without it"

"How do infomercial salesmen tell you you're fat? Butt weight! There's more!"

"I bet M. Night Shyamalan was really good the first time he had sex, then terrible every time after."