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Joke of the Day

"[guy jokingly refers to america as 'murica, everyone starts applauding; I basically hork up a damn lung from laughing my shit off so hard]"

"The loop of Internet sites we repetitively check up on while procrastinating is worse than crack."

"Sometimes me and my brothers used to mess with grandpa. Once we asked him if he knew what a sex tape was. He nodded thoughtfully. 'Sex tapes? Sure, we have those, but your grandmother prefers cuffs.'"

"A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?"

"What do you call a cow that masturbates? Beef jerky."

"Arguing with someone spoils your day and mood, increases your blood pressure and is bad for your health. Instead of arguing, Just punch them in the fucking face and be done with it."

"I took a poop in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"I wish my penis was smaller. Then I could finally disprove the Planck length."

"Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies."

"How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30."