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Joke of the Day

"What's a cannibal's favourite type of food? Finger food!"

"I don't like you messing with my donkey call-center business. I'm the one with my ass on the line."

"People who push and shove to get on a flight before other passengers are possibly going to get to their end destination one second faster."

"The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side."

"Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry was *rear ended* this morning. Now I understand why he Walks This Way."

"My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: ""You ruined your pants."" Veteran dad: ""Thank God. I thought it was poop."""

"How much does funeral insurance cost Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out Alternatively: an arm and a leg"

"[test driving car with car salesman] *parks on make out hill*"

"If you woke up naked, in the middle of the forest with no memory of what happened and your butt is covered in lube, would you tell anyone? ""*No!*"" Wanna to go camping?"

"New York record days without homicide is a lie. Turns out the guy responsible for updating the homicide-toll has been found dead at his desk with a knife in his back."