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Joke of the Day

"How much does funeral insurance cost Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out Alternatively: an arm and a leg"

"Eric Garner tried stand up comedy... But he choked on stage."

"My friend is deaf in his left ear. His hearing is alright."

"I once saw a slice of toast in a zoo. It was bread in captivity."

"Almost touched an old person tonight. Luckily I jerked my arm away before they could drain me of my youth and vigor."

"You Can't spell ADVERTISEMENTS without semen between the tits!"

"What do we call a wireless mouse? Hamster. Source: **Dad**"

"What's the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman? Snowballs."

"""Maybe again but kind of bad?"" - sequels"

"Hey, incessant seatbelt indicator beeping, I'll outlast you; just like your friend the gas light. You're not the boss of me."