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Joke of the Day

"Playboy is starting a new magazine specifically for married men. It has the same centerfold every month!"

"Joke What did the cup say to the mop"

"A lot of you are calling me ""mom"" lately. Is it cause I'm old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it's cause I'm old."

"Christopher Dorner Did you guys hear about Christopher Dorner? He went out guns a-blazin'."

"Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number... Me: ...because I still need it."

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."

"I wonder what hospitals do with all the foreskins."

"Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog."

"What are the three steps to put an elephant into the fridge..? 1.Open the fridge 2.Put the elephant in 3.Close the fridge"

"I'm such a perv that... ... even the crack of dawn isn't safe."