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Joke of the Day

"Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog."

"What do little piglets do on a Saturday night? Have a pigjama party!"

"I know you look at the toilet paper after you wipe."

"Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings"

"How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich? Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed."

"What do elephants and ice cream have in common? They both come in quarts..."

"Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right."

"Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs"

"What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I don't cry when I cut up the hooker"

"COP: don't worry sir, we'll find your kids as soon as we can. ME: no hurry."