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Joke of the Day

"My ""friend"" Adam gave me an electric toothbrush for my birthday. Completely unnecessary. My gas-powered toothbrush still runs fine, ""Adam."""

"Mafia Boss: You wearin' a wire? Me: ""Wire"" you asking me that? lol get it [the rest of this tweet takes place on the bottom of a river]"

"Well, the definition of humour is not much humorous! The Incongruity Theory claims that humour is created out of a violation of an expectation."

"Why does ISIS call camels ""Ships of the Desert""? Because they are full of ISIS seamen."

"What do you get when you suck all of the Botox out of Madonna? Betty White."

"turn on: when you double space your essay and it goes from 3 to 5 pages"

"What is the similarity between Election and Erection? The words election and erection are spelled similarly. They both have the same meaning too: a dick rising to power."

"I took a Viagra the other day and it got stuck in my throat... I had a stiff neck all day."

"BREAKING: Hobbit director Peter Jackson's next huge undertaking to be 3-part movie series of The Cheesecake Factory menu."

"Yo you guys ever try hanging out with people you like who also like you? Shit's dank af"