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Joke of the Day
"4 out of 5 dentists recommend teeth."
Next Joke
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You love me? Cop: Me: Cop: Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower? Cop: Yes. Me: *floors it*"
"Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one."
"How many women does it take to make me a sandwich? What the fuck are you waiting for bitch? Get in there and make me a fucking sandwich!!!"
"These twins I knew in high school both got mono... They got stereo"
"Her: Do you watch Desperate Housewives? Me: No but I follow a few on Twitter."
"What do mathematicians call retirement? Aftermath"
"What did the shepherd's wife say to the shepherd? You herd."
"""I want you back in my arms..."" - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed"
"Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you? Abortion"