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Joke of the Day

"What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs? ""Well, this was a waste of Thyme."""

"I just started giving a chicken and an egg handjobs. I will let you know."

"My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml."

"I hop in a tanning bed during storms in the hopes of being struck by lightning & turned into a lame, but beautifully bronzed, superhero."

"Why did the elephant cross the road ? Because the chicken was having a day off !"

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate food before it was cool"

"Jeffrey Dahmer was HOT. He had the body of a much younger man."

"What do you call a horny square? Erectangle"

"Lost my pet unicorn. If you find it, please share your drugs."

"I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I'd told her I was going to a funeral."