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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a ghost in the Outback? An Apparigine!"

"""I'm THIRSTY!"" ""Can I have a drink?"" ""DAAAAAAAAD!"" ""I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!"" See? My son can turn water into whine, too. Your move, God."

"I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home."

"Did you hear about the blackout? Don't worry, I shot him."

"Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral? he's not a mourning person"

"I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses."

"Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine."

"Whats the difference between a Cat and a Compound Sentence? One has claws at the end of its paws, one has a pause at the end of its clause."

"Racism is institutionalized throughout the US Why else would black history be celebrated during the shortest month!"

"The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize."