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Joke of the Day

"A guy named Michael was rushed to the emergency room one night and had to have heart surgery.. I guess you could say it was open Mike night."

"I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on."

"Are you lactose intolerant? If so, you won't be able to handle this cheesy joke"

"Two blondes in a hole Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ""It's dark in here isn't it?"" The other replied, ""I don't know; I can't see."""

"Sean Spicer getting very upset with the media for not reporting that Trump put up a 28/13/11 triple double against the Rockets yesterday."

"Listen buddy, I never said they were for sale. I just put the ""FRESH EGGS"" sign in my yard to brag"

"I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises. The librarian said ""I don't think its in yet"". I said ""Yes that's the one""."

"Doctor: You have acute appendicitis. Me: And you have a cute face. Drinks?"

"[Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* ""How are you doing on Depends bud?"""

"When they were saying ""we will find a good home for him"" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!"