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Joke of the Day

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre."

"You want to know a neat trick to get yourself to stop being annoyed by a baby crying? Close the lid to the dumpster."

"Carrots cant float. But if you tie fishy wire to one and hang it in the air and look at it from far away, it almost look like its floating"

"I tried commiting suicide today. Never doing that shit again. I almost killed myself"

"I can feel my personality turning a dull shade of grey when I talk to you."

"I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized."

"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."

"Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist? They both smell it, but they can't eat it."

"Yo mama is like an Arcade Machine ... put the quarters in the Pussy and play with the titties"

"*stares into distance* Distance: Please stop staring. It's rude."