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Joke of the Day

"Watching a show about women who choose to give birth outside. Like, let's take the most painful experience of my life and add bugs and shit."

"I dressed up as a woman for a day just to see what they go through on a daily basis... apparently women get called faggot A LOT."

"I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have........ Happy New Year!"

"Grandpa: ""My joints are stiff."" Me: ""Don't roll them so tight."""

"What's the wrong way to feed the cat? to the dog."

"Why did Tiger Woods get divorced? Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!"

"In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me. Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant."

"Did you hear about the teacher who had eye problems? She couldn't control her pupils."

"Approximately how many cows does it take to stock a grocery store with beef? Most of them won't even show up to work, but if you can get them there, two should be able to handle the job."

"Has anybody ever seen the Grapefruit technique video? I heard it was directed by Phil Atio."