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Joke of the Day

"So my software came in today ... My mom asked if it was the curtains she ordered. I opened the box and turned around. ""Nope, just my Windows."" edit: [windows](https://i.imgur.com/niu6mMM.jpg)"

"I really hate pretzels Some would even say I'm Anti-Anne's"

"[First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?"

"If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show."

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? bison"

"'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS"

"What do you call a prostitute with her hands down her skirt? Self employed"

"The New York Mets."

"In the old days they sacrificed virgins to appease the Gods. They must have realized sacrificing the town slut would have been such a waste."

"What's the difference between a penis and a red light? My girlfriend won't blow a red light."