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Joke of the Day

"I really hate pretzels Some would even say I'm Anti-Anne's"

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"[politics] I think Trump settled the whole ""tiny hands equals small penis"" argument today... It must take a pretty massive dick to fuck the entire world at once"
"Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention."
"How do you overcome tyrannical pancakes? U syrup 'em"
"I am looking at my neighbor's wife through the wall with this new thermal imaging scope. She's hot!"
"Me: Is there any particular way you don't want your name pronounced? Percy: Not per se"
"Did you hear about the baby with the gigantic, record-setting head? The mother called it a crowning achievement."
"My friend text me 'what are you doing now?' I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'."
"How can you tell if your wife is dead? If the sex stays the same but the dishes pile up."
"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Flush"