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Joke of the Day

"Frederick W. Smith created a company because he needed money to pay maintenance to his ex wife. He called it Fed*Ex*."

"I invented a new word the other day. Plagiarism."

"Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway."

"I used to be a plastic surgeon. Which raised a few eyebrows. (Credits: Stewart Francis. Look him up, this guy is hilarious)"

"""Dad, where do zebras come from?"" Well son, when a referee loves a horse very much"

". No Shoes No Shirt No Problem Welcome To Walmart."

"Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash."

"A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the ""mid air"" beach picture :("

"People need to stop asking me about my 5 year outlook I don't have 2020 vision"

"Just saw a poor girl crying in the library, devastated about something. So I pulled up a chair, leaned in and told her, ""You can shut up or go outside, I've got an exam tomorrow""."