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Joke of the Day

"I just drank another bottle of brake fluid. My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to."

"LAWYER 1: numbers never lie so I call numbers to the stand LAWYER 2: your honor I call shakiras hips to the stand JUDGE: damn lol"

"What do you call a white boxer? Black and blue"

"Did you hear about the competition between Volvo and the other Swedish car manufacturer? It's all just a Saab story, really."

"If I had a dime for every time I lost something between the couch cushions... I would probably lose those between the couch cushions too."

"Apple vs Windows If apple made a car would it have windows?"

"In a parallel universe somewhere, all the Pumpkin Spice Lattes are getting really excited for White Girl season at Starbucks."

"2 Muffins are sitting in the oven... Muffin 1: ""it's really hot in here"" Muffin 2: ""holy shit! A talking Muffin!"""

"Suicide is only illegal because dead people can't pay taxes."

"Yo mama's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner."