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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the case of the schizophrenic ventriloquist? Everyone *around* him heard voices."

"Why do people find it hard to eat vegetables? Wheelchairs are hard to eat"

"You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet."

"I wish lucid dreaming was more controllable Not the duration of lucid dreaming but the destinations I visit. I'm tired of going to McDonalds at 2am"

"Heard of the man who banged an ATM? He came into a lot of money"

"What is the difference between being hungry and horny? What she means by ""eating out."""

"I always wanted a trophy wife, But instead I got a participation medal girlfriend."

"Kids don't listen! I've told mine a hundred times to fall off the top of the slide during recess so we can sue the school."

"Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints! I'll show myself out y'all"

"black guy drank too much water and the black eyed peas"