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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah."

"I just bought a pair of glasses from Zenni Optical. 20/20 would buy again."

"What did the cow do when the farmer was about to hit him? He mooved"

"I heard my idiot friend talk about inequality the other day and I couldn't help but draw some parallels. :)"

"Do you know why android fanboys don't like apple products?"

"Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street."

"If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it."

"Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7."

"The package says ""Do not eat raw cookie dough"" but all I really see is ""Pillsbury hates you and doesn't want you to be happy."""

"Did you guys hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."