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Joke of the Day

"""can i smoke in here?"" ""sure go ahead sir"" ""thanks"" *lights scented candle* ""can i scatter rose petals in here?"" ""erm- ""can i dim the lights"

"Alanis Morissette: It's like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Spoons R Us clerk: Ma'am, nobody asked you to shop here."

"If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow"

"Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose."

"What does ebony porn have in common with space? Black holes."

"What do you call a man with no legs? You call him by his fucking name what's wrong with you"

"Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid."

"Why do we use black pens on white paper? So hangman is more realistic."

"Which female comedienne likes terrible punchlines? BaDum **Trish**."

"Lots of grandfather jokes. Here's his favorite. My uncle. He hates my dad. My uncle is his favorite joke."