196411

Joke of the Day

"Lots of grandfather jokes. Here's his favorite. My uncle. He hates my dad. My uncle is his favorite joke."

"If pronouncing your b's like v's makes you sound Russian... Then *soviet!*"

"One time, I solicited a midget hooker. I paid her fifty bucks to go up on me."

"5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns."

"I forgot to turn my SWAG off before I went to bed. I woke up poor and working at McDonald's."

"A nun is put to death by a firing squad.... She lived and died holey."

"If an apple a day keeps the doctor away what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my cock in your ass."

"I'm stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up."

"How much does a hipster weigh? ....An instagram."