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Joke of the Day

"How many planets are there in the solar system? There used to be nine, then there was eight and when I'm done with Uranus there'll be seven."

"[plane] ""Is there a doctor on board?"" Im a doctor ""Okay quick the passenger is having a heart att- Of fine arts ""What?"" Doctor of Fine Arts"

"Bruce Willis pours a can of Red Bull onto his flower bed then drinks 8 gallons of water out of a watering can before realising his mistake"

"I got a sweater for Christmas. Wish I'd gotten a screamer or a squirter."

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet."

"Mixologists, bartenders, how to make a smoky manhattan? You fly a plane into the WTC"

"Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women but it turned out to be a sausage fest"

"Friend told me this one today. Fed Ex and UPS Did you hear Fed-Ex and UPS joined together and made a conglomerate?They called it fed up."

"Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss!"

"I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets It'll cost me an arm and a leg. (It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)"